Hi, everyone. Today's topic is self-care. I'm excited to share with you my thoughts on what self-care is, what it isn't and the best way for you to incorporate it into your daily life.

What is Self-Care?

So self-care recently has been sort of co-opted and viewed and alluded to as something that's expensive-treat yourself. But there are more forms of self-care besides just the ones that match up with capitalism and that asks you to spend lots of money. I want to talk about both, to be honest, both categories serve a purpose and exists for a reason. And us as humans, we need different things on different days. I mean, I think we always need sleep, food, and love, but some days we need more action or adventure. Some days we need more relaxation, more calm. Some days we want more socializing, other days we want to be alone. And it depends on your personality too. Me as a highly sensitive person, I need different things in different doses, different amounts, maybe than folks who aren't highly so sensitive. So, knowing and checking in with yourself every day is going to be a huge part of self-care. Whether it's the more “treat yourself” fun ones that costs money or the ones that are free, but cost more time and energy-and usually more courage.

Paid Self-Care

So speaking of the fun self care or the self care that costs money, I'm obsessed with travel. I love traveling. I love exploring, trying new foods, learning about other cultures. I love imagining if I lived here, if this was my home, what would life be like going to the grocery store? Where would I work? Where would I take the kids to have fun? So anyway, I love traveling and adventure and seeing new things and trying new activities and new foods.

Also in the realm of self care that costs money, I just had a hair appointment today and it absolutely felt like self care. It was so lovely to have somebody else wash my hair, blow dry it, and put some curls in it. Although I think the humidity is getting the best of that. But it absolutely felt lovely. And I haven't because of the pandemic, but I miss getting massages. Didn't have those growing up for sure. But manicures, pedicures, going out to eat, going to restaurants, those are all meaningful forms of self-care. It's giving you a break from either the stuff that you usually do yourself, especially like cooking, cleaning up after meals. But definitely those count as self-care for sure. I don't want folks to think that's all self-care is just expensive chocolates or bath bombs and having bubble baths. It's so much more than that.

“Free” Self-Care

So those are like the more fun financial related ones, but a lot of self-care is also setting and maintaining boundaries, saying no, being honest about how you're feeling, and clearly and honestly communicating with others, especially the people you love, the people you live with. Being honest if something's hurt your feelings, being honest, if you need something. Asking for help when you need it, I count all that as self care. Taking a nap and resting when you need to. Of course the basic, basic needs, making sure you're eating enough. And not just enough but frequency of food as well.

• Are you getting enough downtime alone time?

• Are you getting enough socializing?

• Are you getting enough physical touch. Self-care are all those things.

• How much control do you have over your schedule?

• How much processing time or time to switch between different activities?

• When I think of self care, I really think of it as every day, checking in and not just once a day but multiple times throughout the day, checking in with, what do I need and am I listening to my body?

• Do I need to stretch?

• Do I need a snack?

• Do I need a nap?

• Do I want to dance around?

• Do I need to text someone because I miss them?

• Do I need to rearrange something? Look at the calendar again.

• Do I need to have something to look forward, to schedule something to look forward to.

Impact on Others

So I really feel like self-care can be an umbrella to just so many things involved with designing your life, you know, and self care is about, you know, just being a human and existing and making sure that your wellness, your physical, emotional, social, mental wellness. Your wellbeing is being addressed, is being a priority. It's kind of just, can you keep functioning as a human in this world? It's not a luxury and it's not selfish and self care, isn't bulldozing someone else down in the process.

I know it can be hard if part of your self-care is canceling a plan or not doing something and that, will cause someone to be disappointed, but again, there's ways to go about that, hat are not harmful or aggressive or neglectful or abusive.

I know not everyone watching our parents, but I know oftentimes parents can feel extremely guilty and feel like it's a choice between yourself or your child. How do you do that? And we all know the cliche airplane, oxygen mask. But there's just so many ways that it doesn't have to be like a zero sum game. It doesn't have to be like, well, if I sleep, then they're like abandoned, right. Or if I eat this food, then they're going to go hungry. You know? Or if I say, we're not going to the the fair this week, but we'll go next week because that's better for your nervous system. There's other things people can do; people can adapt. We can all care for one another and pay attention to our expectations.

Self-Care isn’t Selfish

But society really puts a lot on folks. And I just want to put it out there that self care is not a luxury. It is not selfish. And it doesn't mean you're going to be destroying the people you love. In fact, it will not only make you just function as a human better. But it'll also, for sure, make you be better in all your roles. You will be better at your career. You will be a better partner, if you have a partner. You're going to be a better parent, if you have children. Really everyone wins. Everyone wins when folks are well, rested, loved, fulfilled and you can shine your light. You can put good out in the world when you're taking care of. Most of us do not want to be on the receiving end of someone whose resentful and frustrated and burnt out and impatient and struggling to control emotions and then making mistakes, right? Whether it's professionally or someone you love. We don't usually want to be on the receiving end of folks who are really burned out and unhappy. And so whatever we can do to make self-care an accessible normal, daily decision-making process, the better. Again, not just like a fun luxury even though it is fun to have a fresh haircut. All right. Everyone, I'd love to hear your favorite self-care activity. It's hard for me to vote between sleeping, eating, and traveling. Probably probably one of those naps. I love naps. I'm pro naps! Everyone take care.