Gentle Goal-Setting for Late-Diagnosed Autistic and ADHD Women: Why Renewal Belongs to Spring, Not Midwinter
January arrives with its predictable chorus: “New year, new you!” Vision boards fill Instagram feeds, planners fly off shelves, and there’s an overwhelming pressure to reinvent ourselves—right in the middle of winter. But if you’re a late-diagnosed autistic or ADHD woman, this annual ritual might feel less like motivation and more like an exhausting mismatch between your natural rhythm and society’s expectations.
Let’s pause. Take a breath. And remind ourselves: Nature isn’t blooming in January, so why should we be?
Nature’s Wisdom: Winter Is for Rest, Not Hustle
In the natural world, winter is a season of stillness. Animals hibernate, plants conserve energy, and the earth slows down. Yet here we are, trying to force growth and transformation at a time when our bodies and minds might be craving coziness, reflection, and stillness.
For autistic and ADHD women, this mismatch can feel especially intense. Many of us already navigate burnout, sensory overwhelm, and the pressure to mask our authentic selves. Add society’s January productivity obsession on top of that, and it’s a recipe for self-criticism and exhaustion.
But here’s the thing: We don’t have to follow the crowd.
Gentle Goal-Setting: A Different Approach
Instead of diving into rigid resolutions, let’s embrace a softer, more compassionate way of setting intentions—one that aligns with our energy levels, our needs, and the natural rhythm of the seasons.
1. Honor Your Winter Season
January can be a beautiful time for reflection rather than action. Grab a warm drink, wrap yourself in a blanket, and ask gentle questions:
What brought me peace or joy last year?
What do I want more of in my life?
What do I need to let go of?
No pressure to fix everything right now—just curiosity and kindness.
2. Tiny, Flexible Intentions > Big, Rigid Goals
Instead of declaring massive resolutions like “I’ll exercise every day!” or “I’ll get organized this year!”, try softer intentions:
“I’d like to stretch for five minutes when I wake up.”
“I’ll explore ways to make my space feel more calming.”
Small steps, big compassion.
3. Permission to Wait Until Spring
Spring is nature’s renewal season. The days grow longer, sunlight returns, and energy starts to rise. If January feels like survival mode, it’s perfectly okay to wait until March or April to set clearer goals.
Imagine how much more natural it will feel to start something new when the world is waking up with you.
4. Work with Your Neurodivergence, Not Against It
Autistic and ADHD brains are wonderfully unique, and traditional goal-setting methods might not fit.
Do deadlines feel suffocating? Skip them.
Need visual reminders? Make them colorful and playful.
Struggle with consistency? Not every goal/tasks needs to be done daily or weekly. Most goals can withstand some sporadic implementation (e.g. the 80/20 rule). Celebrate every small win without shame.
Your way is the right way.
The Real Goal: Self-Compassion
At the heart of gentle goal-setting is one truth: You are not behind. You are not failing because you don’t have a detailed 12-step plan for world domination by January 2nd.
Healing, growth, and renewal are ongoing processes—not boxes to check off in a planner.
So, if this January you feel like resting, reflecting, or simply surviving, that’s valid. And if you feel a small spark of motivation? Nurture it gently, like a seed tucked into winter soil, knowing that spring will come when it’s time.
Until then, let’s lean into rest, warmth, and kindness—for ourselves and our beautiful, neurodivergent minds.
Need a little extra support navigating this season? Therapy can be a safe space to explore your goals, needs, and pace—without judgment or pressure. I follow my clients lead in terms of how much they want their work with me to be goal-focused.
