Honoring Your Seasonal Cycles: A Self-Compassion Shortcut
Do you love shortcuts, life hacks, and tips/tricks to make life easier, more convenient, and more efficient as much as I do? Yes?! Cool! I also love saving time, money, and energy as much as I hate wasting those resources.
As a highly-sensitive person, psychologist/therapist, mom, business-owner, empath, introvert, wife, and cycle-breaker, I view my energy, nervous system, and mental health as precious resources to honor and protect. I cannot honor myself or show up as my best self for others if I’m neglecting my wellbeing.
Cyclical Living
Thus, when I discovered what might be considered a shortcut to self-compassion, I was blown away and totally on board! I first learned about cyclical living from Kate Northrup’s book “Do Less.” I encourage you to read it if you want to know more about using a feminine lens to view time, energy, and the needs of your body.
Even as a licensed psychologist, I do not remember learning about or knowing how to consider the hormonal and cyclical needs of myself or others. Unfortunately, I internalized a lot of capitalist beliefs and values related to “working hard,” “consistency,” “pushing through to not let others down,” “putting work first,” “suffering as a requirement to achieve success,” “putting myself last,” “bragging about how busy I am because the more I have to do the more important and valuable I am,” and “feeling weak or damaged if I could not keep up with the demands and pace of modern life.”
Needing Rest is Not a Disorder
I’ve had clients wonder if they have bipolar disorder because they are so go-go-go and productive getting dozens of items marked off their to-do list one day but then feeling depleted and exhausted the next day where getting out of bed and eating are the most they will accomplish. So many of my high-achieving clients beat themselves up for not being “consistent” with productivity or self-care.
I too have felt frustrated by my own ebb and flow of motivation, energy, and productivity. However, when I was reminded that we human beings (not human doings) are cyclical creatures of nature (not machines, robots, or computers) thus, we are supposed to have ebbs and flows of energy, motivation, productivity, and more. We were not designed to function the same way every day, especially when there are so many variables that affect how we operate (e.g. food, sleep, how we are treated by others, etc). It is our exploitative modern systems that demand we show up the same every single day giving 100%. If “nothing in nature blooms year-round,” why should we expect ourselves to have the same definition of “our best” every day?
Self-Compassion
Normalizing the fluctuating nature of ourselves can be a beautiful shortcut to self-compassion and grace towards others. We are all allowed to have needs. Too much self-sacrifice is toxic. Knowing we are going through personal cycles can help us cut ourselves and others some slack and adjust our expectations appropriately. Demanding too much can lead to burnout, resentment, arguments, hurt feelings, disappointment, and more.
Learning to trust the ebb and flow of your cycle is a wonderful way to honor your body, engage in daily self-care, reduce your stress, calm your nervous system, and feel safe, grateful, peaceful, and abundant. It is trusting that you’ll be productive enough, things will get done, and you don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing to be successful.
Your Inner Seasons
The four seasons of your inner cycle can be visualized as the four seasons of nature: winter, spring, summer, and autumn. All the seasons have a purpose and mother nature doesn’t rush anything. It all happens at the right pace and in the right timing. These phases match up biologically with the menstruation cycle (hormonal changes that happen monthly) or if you do not menstruate, they also sync up with the lunar cycle (moon phases). Let's explore the characteristics of each season and how it might manifest in your daily life.
Inner winter (new moon, menstruation) is the time for rest, slowing down, coziness, inner reflection, and hibernation. Now is a wonderful time for gentle self-care. This is not the time for pushing yourself to be productive and high energy.
Inner spring (waxing moon, post-menstruation) is the time for planning and preparing. Your energy is growing and you might be excited to try new things and start new projects. It might feel like a fresh start after emerging from the coziness of your inner winter time.
Inner summer (full moon, ovulation) is the most energetic phase and the one that emphasizes external attention, connection, and productivity. It is your time to shine, socialize, be heard, give presentations, indulge in pleasurable activities, and enjoy reaching your goals.
Inner autumn (waning moon, premenstruation) is the time for winding down after your summer burst of energy. This is a time for focusing on details, routine tasks, and quieter productivity. You are slowing down, tying up loose ends, and finishing projects.
Healing from Burnout
It’s unsustainable for society to expect us to always be in spring and summer mode. However, I know how tempting it is to want to skip over the lower energy phases and not slow down enough during our inner winter and autumn. Even so, most folks can agree that we are more creative, fun, patient, intelligent, kind, and emotionally regulated when we have adequate rest and rejuvenation time.
Understanding my inner cycle has been an amazing game changer for me during my burnout recovery journey. It has done wonders for my healing and self-compassion. I have so much more trust in myself and trust in the big picture process of my life. Listening to the needs of my body and trusting in its wisdom is still a work in progress but I can feel the benefits every day.
So, next time you feel frustrated with your fluctuating energy, motivation, and productivity, check in to see what phase of your inner cycle you are in and give yourself some grace and compassion. Beating yourself up for resting erases the benefits of resting so being rough on yourself is a truly waste of time and energy.
Although I no longer want to worship productivity, it can be helpful to remember that self-compassion, rest, and self-care are productive. Also, when my clients say I’m being too easy on them by encouraging self-care and self-compassion, it is not only because I believe they deserve that as a human, but also because the most effective way to make changes in your life is to lead with self-acceptance. Loving yourself enough to make changes works better than trying to criticize your way into a new life.
Please remember that you are powerful, wise, and deserve to love your life. You are not on this Earth just to do chores, pay bills, and die.
With love and acceptance,
~Desiree
