Women's Self-Abandonment: Society's Silent Celebration
I’m sick of this nonsense. The patriarchy, capitalism, and other societal systems nonsense.
In the self-help world where self-care, boundaries, and empowerment are hailed as paramount virtues, it's alarming how often women's self-abandonment is not just tolerated but normalized and celebrated. From the subtle pressures of societal norms to the overt glorification of sacrifice in media and cultural narratives, women are conditioned to prioritize the needs of others over their own well-being. This toxic pattern not only undermines individual fulfillment but perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and systemic inequality. It’s fucked up.
The societal expectation for women to be selfless nurturers, caregivers, and supporters is deeply ingrained. From a young age, girls are socialized to prioritize the comfort and happiness of others, often at the expense of their own desires and needs. This pattern continues into adulthood, where women may find themselves juggling multiple roles and responsibilities without adequate time or resources to tend to their own mental, emotional, and physical health.
Moreover, women who dare to prioritize themselves are often met with resistance or guilt-tripping from those around them. Whether it's the pressure to conform to traditional gender roles or the fear of being labeled as selfish or neglectful, many women feel compelled to suppress their own aspirations and desires in favor of fulfilling societal expectations.
One of the most insidious consequences of women's self-abandonment is its contribution to the perpetuation of systemic inequality. By prioritizing the needs of others over their own, women may inadvertently reinforce power dynamics that favor men and undermine their own agency and autonomy. This can manifest in various aspects of life, including the workplace, where women may be passed over for promotions or opportunities because they are perceived as less assertive or ambitious than their male counterparts.
In popular culture, the narrative of the self-sacrificing woman is often romanticized and glamorized, further reinforcing the idea that women's worth is contingent upon their ability to serve and support others. Whether it's the heteronormative goal of a devoted wife who sacrifices her career for her husband's ambitions or the dedicated mother who puts her children's needs above her own, these archetypes perpetuate harmful stereotypes and limit the scope of women's potential.
Furthermore, the celebration of women's self-abandonment sends a dangerous message to future generations of girls, reinforcing the notion that their value lies in their ability to please others rather than pursue their own passions and ambitions. This not only stifles individual potential but hinders progress towards gender equality and social justice. It also sets the stage for victim-blaming when women are victims of violence.
It's time to challenge the narrative that women's self-abandonment is noble or virtuous. True empowerment comes from honoring oneself, setting boundaries, and prioritizing one's own well-being. By rejecting the expectation to constantly prioritize the needs of others, women can reclaim their agency and pave the way for a more equitable and just society.
Yet, we cannot just tell individual girls and women to be more assertive, stand up for themselves, and set those boundaries as if there are no risks or consequences from those behaviors. We must all, as a collective of humans, increase the safety around female empowerment. There are so many examples of ways we can challenge the status quo of gender stereotypes and norms that create rigid binary definitions on how people are allowed to act, treat others, what is expected of them in terms of communication, emotional expression, appearance, hobbies, work tasks, leisure time, household chores, and the list goes on and on. Let’s not normalize who has to cook/clean/care for children and who gets to rest after holiday meals. Let’s not label a woman as a “bitch” when she gives honest feedback, says “no” to a request, or acts assertively. No one has to be exploited if more of us does our fair share, especially of the mental load and other invisible labor.
Until it becomes safe and normal for women to set boundaries, prioritize their needs, and not be the default parent/caregiver/nurturer/invisible labor doer, then women healing from anxiety, people-pleasing, perfectionism, trauma, depression, and more will continue to be an uphill battle. These new patterns and habits we are encouraging women to do (self-care, slow down, tune into their body, show up and give themselves what they need) require understanding and support from loved ones. If these new ways of being are continually unsupported or pushed back on from family and friends, it is so much more exhausting and defeating to make these positive changes. I know we cannot force/make others care or change but cutting folks off and finding new support networks is also time and energy consuming. We all deserve to be surrounded by folks who actually want what’s best for us and for us to be the healthiest versions of ourselves, not just servants for them/others. As they say, those who are most upset by you setting a new boundary are those who benefited the most from you not having any.
In conclusion, the celebration of women's self-abandonment is not only damaging on an individual level but perpetuates harmful gender stereotypes and systemic inequality. It's imperative that we collectively challenge these outdated narratives and work towards creating a world where women are free to prioritize their own well-being without guilt or judgment. Only then can we truly achieve gender equality and empower women to reach their full potential.
About the author
Dr. Desiree Howell is a licensed psychologist providing online therapy services to adults in New York, Iowa, and all PsyPact states. She is trained in a variety of trauma-focused healing modalities to best support clients who are ready to feel better.
